The Nightmares

Off late I have been getting this recurring nightmare, that I am back in engineering class and I have forgotten to practice my maths all semester and exams are now very near and I don't know how I am to clear. Funnily, I can somehow sense in the dream that I am no longer 20-22 years old but that I am 10 years older and that I have no recollection of what I have learnt.

I wonder what this means. Is it my subconscious mind trying to reconcile the regret of having forgotten all that I have learnt with so much effort? Or is it that I have not used what I have learnt and allowed it to rot away in my memory? Or perhaps is it not about maths at all but about things that are yet to come and that I feel ill equipped of handling then.

Whatever it means, I definitely feel a sense of sadness and want to start going back to learning things I learnt long ago: things like sin²A + cos²A = 1. I actually solved it's proof in my head and realised the elegance of it. Ah, perhaps that's what it is! Maybe it is my subconscious asking me to appreciate the beauty of little things that I have forgotten and put behind me. I remember this feeling. It was the same when I rediscovered music after having left studying it for almost 5 years then. I had a new found sense of appreciation for what I had learnt without much thought. Hmmm maybe that's what it is.